


She's My Salvation

by VioletTheirin



Category: Dragon Age
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2014-03-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 07:23:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VioletTheirin/pseuds/VioletTheirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes only the love of a friend can save us; even if it is from ourselves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Familiar Wounds

The tower was cold as a Ferelden winter wind whipped through the high windows of the apprentice quarters. Six year old Jowan sat up in his bed, awake at this late hour trying to study a book on basic shield spells for his lessons the next morning. Though a smart boy with much magical ability, he was never quite able to apply it and struggled through most of his lessons.

He was startled as he heard the boots of the elder mage Wynne as they came through the door along with the smaller soft footsteps of a child walking beside her. Jowan could hear the soft sobs of the child that looked to be no older than five and the reassuring whispers of Wynne. He quickly whipped the covers up over his head, hoping that it would not be noticed that he was up so late studying.

"But where is my mama, my daddy?" The girl sobbed. "I want sissy and brother, why did they send me away? I promise I will be good, I didn't mean to set the chair on fire."

"Now, now child, it will be alright." Jowan peeked from beneath the covers and could see Wynne sit upon the vacant bed just across from his pulling what appeared to be a little girl into her arms. "You did nothing wrong, you just need to learn how to use the gift that The Maker has bestowed upon you. Your parent's aren't mages so they have sent you here so that we can teach you the proper way to use your powers."

The little girl looked up at the older mage as she dried her eyes with the sleeve of her dress.

"You'll learn to call this tower home and I'm sure in no time that you will make many many friends with the other children. They all possess the same special gift that you do." Wynne wrapped an arm around the girls shoulder and placed a kiss upon the top of her head. "As a matter of fact, I'm sure young Jowan would be more than happy to show you around the tower and introduce you to the other children, isn't that right my boy?"

Slowly, Jowan poked his big blue eyes up from under the covers where he had been hiding; and doing his best to try to sound like he had been woke up muttered. "Hmmm….who's thaaa..."

"Oh Jowan, I knew you were awake when I walked through the door, give up your act and come over here." Wynne said sternly.

"Yes mam." Jowan sighed as he kicked away his covers.

Wynne smiled as the boy approached the bed. "This, my dear, is Jowan; Jowan this young lady's name is Essemere." Wynne placed her hand on Jowan's shoulder "And I know that he will do all that he can to make you feel at home, isn't that right Jowan?"

Jowan nodded and reached a trembling hand out toward the girl.

Essemere took Jowan's hand in her own and with nearly a whisper said. "It's nice to meet you."

Butterflies fluttered in Jowan's stomach as he felt her soft hand in his own. All that he could do was smile as a warm crimson fell upon his cheeks.

Wynne smiled as she stood from the bed. "I think it is time that the two of you tuck in for the night. Come with me Essemere, I shall show you where the changing rooms are, and Jowan please, put away your studies for the evening. You will do just fine in your lessons tomorrow; you just need to focus."

Jowan reluctantly let go of the little girl's hand and watched as she disappeared across the room with Wynne. He crawled into bed, a smile etched upon his face, he didn't know exactly what this feeling was that had poured into his heart, but he liked it.

Sleep came easy to Jowan after meeting Essemere, dreams of playing games and finding mischief with his new friend danced through his head. He was suddenly awaked by a gentle tap upon his shoulder.

"Jowan?" The gentle voice whispered into his ear.

Jowan rolled over to see a pair of dark brown eyes staring back at him "Essemere? What's wrong?"

Essemere once again wiped her face with her sleeve. "I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

Jowan recognized the look in her eyes; he knew what she was feeling. He felt the same way on his first night in the tower, the loneliness, the horror of being in a new place without a single familiar face. He would never have wished that feeling upon anyone. With a shy smile he slid over and raised the covers. Essemere crawled in beside him and placing a worn stuffed bear between their chests fell asleep quickly upon his shoulder.


	2. Taming Of The Templar

Golden light streamed in through the high windows and landed upon Jowan's face. He awoke to find Essemere, still asleep upon his shoulder; as he pulled from her he noticed the sleeve of his night shift was soggy which drew his attention to the tears that were dried upon her cheeks. In the morning light he could now get a better look at the girl. She was small; her skin pale, chestnut hair framed her sleeping face.

Sensing Jowan's stare, Essemere slowly began to open her sleepy eyes. She hoped that the previous night would prove to only be a bad dream; that she would wake in her own bed, beside her big sister Delyce. Her heart broke in two when she realized she was surrounded by the same cold stone walls that bid her goodnight. She could feel the tears begin to sting her eyes once more as she sat up in the bed and drew her knees to her chest.

Jowan didn't know why, but he felt such a connection to the young girl who was curled up on his bed crying. There was something about her, something special; something that compelled him to want to comfort her and protect her. Slowly the boy sat down beside the little girl and pulled her closer to him; allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder.

Essemere timidly looked up into Jowan's blue eyes. "I'm sorry; I know I am being a baby. My brother Daimhin always tells me that I cry too much."

"It's okay, I cried when I was brought here too." Jowan reassured her.

A small smile found the girl's face as she sat in silence with her new found friend.

A half an hour passed in quiet comfort before the tower's bells began to ring; signaling the time for everyone to be out of bed getting themselves ready for their lessons.

Essemere took her clothes from the small trunk at the foot of her bed. She turned to Jowan who was busy gathering his own clothes. "Will I get to talk to you more today?"

Jowan turned to the girl. "Sure, I have a private lesson with Senior Enchanter Wynne this morning but we can meet in the courtyard after that; before lunch if you want to."

Essemere timidly nodded in agreement as she walked toward the changing rooms.

Jowan found himself more distracted than usual during his lessons that morning, much to the dismay of Wynne. "With as late as you were studying young man, I would think you would be an expert at these spells."

"I..." Jowan began to stutter.

Wynne smiled. "I know the excitement of a new friend can be quite distracting. I shall hold off this lesson for one week; but, when we try this again I expect you to cast a shield that the first enchanter could not break through, is that understood my dear?"

Jowan smiled as he nodded. "Yes ma'am, thank you so much!"

Wynne tousled the boy's messy black hair. "Now you run along, find your new friend."

Jowan ran through the halls of the tower, down three floors until he reached the door leading to the courtyard. He stole a moment to catch his breath before opening the large doors leading outside.

Upon stepping out into the chilly air he immediately heard a familiar voice. "Stop it! I am not a baby!"

Two older boys who Jowan recongnized as Brochan and his shadow of a best friend Gwyr were standing on either side of Essemere, pushing her back and forth between each other; a crowd of children surrounded them and laughed as they pushed.

"What's the matter baby?" Brochan teased.

Gwyr chimed in as he took his turn to push. "What you gonna do baby, are you gonna cry?"

Jowan felt his cheeks and ears turning fire hot against the cold air and in a fit of rage he ran up to the two boys and screamed "Leave her alone!" And though Brochan was a good two years older and at least a foot taller than him, Jowan took every ounce of strength that he had and threw himself into the boy; knocking him to the ground.

Almost immediately Jowan found himself folded in two as Gwyr punched him forcefully in the stomach; and before he could even draw a breath another blow caught him squarely on his nose, this time from Brochan who had managed to pick himself up from the ground.

"Alright, alright;" A stern voice came up from behind the children. "I shall have none of this barbaric behavior in my tower."

The older children quickly ran off as Jowan's eyes looked up to meet the angry face of Knight Commander Greagoir. "Uuuuugh" he groaned.

"Causing mischief again are we young Jowan." Greagoir folded his arms in front of him as he looked down at the hunched over child. "I saw you shove young Brochan, I say you got what you deserved."

It was then, to the shock of the boy that Essemere boldly approached the Templar and tugged on his folded arm. "Sir! Jowan didn't do anything!"

Greagoir looked down at the little girl, unable to hide his surprise at her forthrightness. "Young lady, I saw the entire incident from upon those stairs. I suggest you learn your place lest trouble finds you quickly."

"They were pushing me and Jowan came to my rescue!" The little girl folded her own arms in front of her chest.

"I…I did not know that." Greagoir conceded as he glanced at Jowan. "But still young man, next time you must not take these matters into your own hands; that is what we templars are here for."

Jowan nodded in agreement as the templar turned to walk away. It took him by surprise when he saw Essemere once again pulling at Greagoir's arm.

He turned to look into her brown eyes once more "Yes young lady?"

"You're going to go find them right; to make sure they don't do it again?" She looked up at him with pleading eyes.

Greagoir sighed. "Yes…..I shall find them and remind the scallywags how to treat those who are younger than they."

Once more he turned to leave and once more she began tugging on his arm. Jowan found himself mentally screaming at Essemere "Bad idea, baaaaad idea….let it go, for the sake of the Maker let it go!"

With a grumble Greagoir turned once more "Yes?"

"Thank you!" Essemere grinned as she threw her arms around the man.

Much to Jowan's amazement Greagoir smiled and patted the girl upon her back. "You're welcome."


	3. Friends For Always

Jowan stared at the girl, still in utter shock over what had just happened and her boldness toward Greagoir. "Are you insane?" He questioned her as he tried to stand up straight.

"No, I just like meeting people; and he isn't so bad." Essemere shrugged as she drew closer to Jowan.

Jowan gave her a look of utter bewilderment. "Are taming rabid mabaris and skipping rope with vipers among your other hobbies?"

"Jowan, your nose; you're bleeding!" Essemere gasped as she got a good look at her friends face.

Jowan ran his hand beneath his nose and looked at the scarlet that tinged his fingers; he stared for a moment lost in thought.

"Blood is a powerful thing; as it brings life into the body it can also be manipulated, used, sacrificed to bend even the most formidable enemy to your will." The words of senior enchanter Uldred bubbled within his young mind.

"If only I knew some of that magic." Jowan mused to himself. "I'd never have to worry again about Brochan, or Gwyr or even Greagoir; they wouldn't dare touch me or Essemere again."

His mind then wandered to Senior Enchanter Wynne as her grandmotherly voice overpowered Uldred's within his mind. "Blood magic can be an evil tool that has the ability to turn a mage into a monster and an innocent into a puppet. Only those who are truly weak would turn to such form of magic to win their battles."

Before his mind could wander farther Essemere's insistant voice snapped him back into reality. "Jowan; I said are you alright?"

Her hand was on his shoulder; her concerned eyes starting intently into his.

"I, I'm fine." Jowan shrugged away the remaining musings that lingered within his mind. "I'm just a little dizzy, that's all."

Essemere slung one of Jowan's arms over her shoulders and began leading him from the courtyard. "We must find Senior Enchanter Wynne, I'm sure she can have you better in no time."

"I'm fine Essemere, really." Jowan couldn't help but find a grin playing upon his face. He could not remember the last time someone showed any amount of concern for his well being. "I think it was just from being folded over like that for so long. I'm feeling better since I'm up walking."

Essemere gave him an apprehensive look. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm fine!" Jowan smiled as he pulled his arm from around her shoulders and stood on his own. "See, all better."

The girl smiled sweetly as she took Jowan by the hand; pulling him to a stone bench near the large doors leading to the inside of the tower. "Thank you for standing up to those boys for me."

Jowan shrugged "It was nothing, what are friends for; right?"

"Right." A big smile spread across Essemere's pretty face as she threw her arms around the little boy.

Jowan was so consumed in the moment he didn't hear the footsteps that crept up behind him.

"Leave some room for The Maker love birds." the singsong voice of an older mage named Owain rang in his ear.

"Andraste's flaming toes Owain, you scared me!" Jowan jumped backwards; nearly falling off of the bench. "Before I forget, have you talked to Irving? He came by my lessons today with Senior Enchanter Wynne and asked that if anyone saw you that they send you his way."

Owain gave a bit of a confused smile. "Oh boy, wonder what this is all about, I told him that me casting lightening spells was a bad idea. It isn't my fault that it took one of his own eyebrows getting zapped off to realize that." Owain turned to look at the young girl sitting beside Jowan. "I don't believe we have met, my name is Owain; and to spite what you may have heard about my legendary good looks and charm, I really am a down to earth kinda guy...a man of the people so to speak." He gave Essemere a good humored grin as he turned to leave. "I suppose I had better find out what all of this is about. Oh and Jowzer...don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Jowan hid his face in his palm as his cheeks turned a cherry red.

"Jowzer?" Essemere smirked "I'll have to remember that; Jowzer The Mighty, MY HERO"

"Grrrrrr..." Jowan grumbled as he stood from the bench.

Essemere giggled and grabbed the boy by the back of his robe. "Oh sit down! I was just joking Jowan."

Jowan gave her a sly smile as he looked at her through the corner of his eye. "I know that; good to know you felt bad though."

Essemere slugged him in the arm as she laughed.

"So where are you from Esse? Why were you brought here?" Jowan put his feet on the bench and pulled his knees in to hug his chest.

Essemere sighed as she pulled her own knees in. "I'm from Highever. I was brought here because I got angry at my brother and set a chair in our sitting room on fire."

Jowan furrowed his eyebrows. "What in The Maker's name made you do that?"

"I didn't mean to! He made me so angry and one minute I was glaring at him; the next thing I know the chair he had just been sitting in was in flames!" She folded her arms in protest and turned her head to Jowan.

"So then your parents figured you were a lost cause and threw you away like mine did; right?" Jowan looked down trying to hold in a tear that was stinging his eye, threatening to roll down his cheeks.

Essemere shook her head. "No, neither of them wanted me to leave, they argued about it for weeks. Finally they decided that 'it was best' and they sent me to the Chantry." Essemere brushed away a stream of tears that had made it's way down her face. "Maybe it was for the best, I wouldn't want them to get in trouble and no matter how mad some of them make me I would never want to hurt anyone. It's just lonely, knowing that I have no one."

Jowan placed a hand on the child's shoulder. "You have me."

She grinned as she looked into Jowan's blue eyes. "And you have me. Friends for always?"

Jowan smiled. "Yes, I promise, friends for always."


	4. Foscina

Jowan and Essemere spent the remainder of the afternoon talking and playing together. Essemere told Jowan all about her life and family back in Highever, the trouble she used to get into with her older sister Delyce, the way they used to pick on her brother Daimhin; stuffing toads into his bedding and putting the leaves of the poisonous Foscina plant into his small clothes so that when he would put them on he would end up with a horrible itch in the most sensitive of places.

"I wish we had Foscina here in the tower." Jowan mused. "That would really put Gwyr and Brochan in their place."

Essemere wrinkled her nose as she grinned and ran to the trunk at the foot of her bed. From there she pulled out a small burlap pouch with a drawstring top. She opened it and pulled out a thick piece of folded parchment. Essemere brought the items over to Jowan and when she unfolded the parchment he noticed three shiny dark green leaves folded within. "Your wish is my command my darling friend."

Jowan gave her a horrified look. "Why would you have Foscina leaves in your footlocker?"

"Just for a special occasion such as this." Essemere grinned. "Delyce gave them to me just before I left; she said to use them on anyone that gave me any trouble. I believe that Gwyr and Brochan would qualify as 'trouble'."

A devilish grin spread across Jowan's face as he stood from his bed. "Well, no time like the present." Jowan took Essemere by the arm and began leading her out of the room, and toward the room shared by the older apprentices.

Essemere pulled her arm from him. "Are you nuts! That room is full of people! We will wait until supper and then sneak away and put them in their clothes while the room is empty!" Essemere carefully folded the parchment and slipped it back into the pouch and into the pocket of her robes.

The pair made their way to the large dining hall on the first floor of the tower. Right away Essemere noticed Owain, the mage she had met earlier sitting at a table with one other older mage. He looked downtrodden and sad, his demeanor was nowhere close to the happy jovial state that he was in previously.

"Owain, are you alright?" Jowan sat down at the table beside him

Owain looked over at the little boy. "I'm fine Jowzer, leave me be."

"There's something wrong, I can tell. What happened?" Jowan asked. "Does this have to do with Irving wanting to see you, are you in trouble?"

"I said leave me be!" Owain stood suddenly from the table, knocking his chair backwards into the wall as he stormed from the room.

Godwin, the mage that had been sitting with Owain shook his head. "He has been like that ever since he was told about his upcoming Harrowing."

Essemere looked confused "Harrowing, what is that?"

"It is some tests that all apprentices have to go through before they can become full mages It is supposed to be really difficult and dangerous." Jowan remarked as he took a seat. "I don't know why it is bothering Owain though, from everything I have heard and seen he is really a good mage."

"That's what I have been trying to tell him." Godwin shrugged. "He won't listen to a word of it though; said he is going to talk to Irving about undergoing the right."

"Not the right of tranquility." Jowan shook his head.

"I'm sorry, what is the right of tranquility?" Essemere sat down beside Jowan.

"If you don't want to undergo the Harrowing or if Irving or the Templars don't believe you are capable of passing it then you undergo the right of Tranquility. They sever your connection to the Fade, making you unable to perform any magic but also zapping all of your emotions in the process. It is a gruesome practice." Godwin replied.

"I'm sure that Irving will talk some sense into him." Jowan sighed as he stood from the table "Come on Esse let's grab some food."

Essemere and Jowan grabbed their food and ate quickly. Upon finishing they snuck out of the dining hall and made their way back to the older children's quarters.  
Jowan stood watch at the door as Essemere slowly tiptoed to Brochan and Gwyr's beds that stood on the far side of the room. Slowly she opened the first footlocker, picked up the first Foscina leaf using a piece of parchment and placed it within a set of small clothes that lay at the top of the pile. She then moved on to the next footlocker and repeated the procedure.

"Hurry, I think someone is coming." Jowan turned to see Essemere was already headed back toward him.

The pair slipped out of the room unnoticed and made their way into their own room. They both got changed and slipped into their beds.

Jowan had just begun to doze off when he felt a hand on his shoulder. "Jow..."

"What's wrong Essemere?" Jowan blinked his eyes, trying to focus on his friend's face. "Are you alright? You seemed like you were doing better."

Essemere clutched the stuffed bear that she liked to sleep with "I was...it's just so scary here at night."

Jowan smiled as he once again raised the covers and moved over, allowing Essemere to snuggle up beside him and fall asleep upon his shoulder.

The next morning the children awoke, got dressed and together made their way to the dining hall for breakfast. When they arrived they were shocked to discover that neither Gwyr nor Brochan were acting in the least bit itchy.

"Maybe they didn't change their clothes?" Essemere wrinkled her nose a the thought of the two boys running around in the same clothes that they wore the previous day.  
Jowan shrugged. "Maybe, I wouldn't put it past them."

At that moment the children's question was answered when Godwin and Owain came slamming into the dining hall; their faces crimson and angry.

"I know you two had your knickers in a twist about having your beds moved to the other side of the room but this is ridiculous." Godwin got in the face of a bewildered Brochan.  
"I...I don't know what you are talking about!" Gwyr attempted to take several steps back from an equally angry Owain.

Owain grabbed Gwyr by his robes and pulled him close "Oh I'm fairly certain that you do; Foscina leaves...small clothes...ring a bell?"

Before either boy could respond First Enchanter Irving made his way into the room and into the direction of the ruckus "What seems to be the trouble gentlemen?"

Godwin turned in the direction of Irving's voice. "These two imbeciles thought it would be humorous to put Foscina leaves in our small clothes!"

"Gwyr...Brochan, I am ashamed of you young men." Irving scolded. "First, Knight Commander Greagoir tells me about your hitting young Jowan, and now this? I think some time studying with the revered mother in the Chantry would do you some good. Follow me"

Owain and Godwin backed away as Gwyr and Brochan followed behind the First Enchanter, still completely confused as to what was going on. Essemere looked at Jowan as both of the children began laughing.


	5. Tranquil

One uneventful week came and went since Essemere's arrival at the tower; and with every passing day she grew more accustomed to her gilded prison. The nights never got any easier though and she had yet to spend a full night in her own bed. Jowan was her constant companion. She had also gotten to know a lot of the other mages within the walls of the tower, she thought them all very friendly; save for a few.

One friendly face that she hadn't seen over the past few days was Owain. After the Foscina incident in the dining hall everyone including his best friend Godwin had lost track of him.

"Could he be going through his Harrowing?" Jowan asked Godwin as they and Essemere sat at one of the large tables in the library.

Godwin shrugged "I've no idea; I suppose he could be, but normally they are only gone for a matter of hours; not days."

A worried look struck Essemere's face. "You don't think..."

Godwin shook his head. "No no no...I'm sure it isn't tranquility. I don't think Owain would ever actually go through with it. I'm sure it's nothing, he could just be ill; probably in the infirmary."

Jowan nodded. He wanted to believe that a simple illness was truly the case, but in his heart of hearts he feared the worst.

The large bells chimed; announcing the beginning of their afternoon classes. "Ugh, I need to go." Essemere stood and scooped up her books. "I have a lesson with Senior Enchanter Uldred; that guy just scares me."

Godwin laughed. "Oh come on, he's no worse than your average drake."

Essemere shuddered. "I would prefer the drake. Jowan, are we still meeting in the courtyard after lessons?"

"I have to do my shield test with Senior Enchanter Wynne but as long as I am still in one piece I will be there." Jowan grinned as he grabbed his own books.

Godwin rested his elbows on the table and placed his chin in his palms. "Ahhh, young love; you be good to her Jowzer...she's a keeper."

Jowan's cheeks pinked at Godwin's words and as he walked past the red-headed mage he accidentally let a flash of electricity slip through his finger tips and into Godwin's shoulder.

"Hey, that hurts deep down to the feelings Jowzer, I may have to go hug my pillow and cry." Godwin chuckled as he rubbed his shoulder.

Jowan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but will it hug you back?"

Godwin merely laughed as Jowan walked off in the other direction.

Jowan's test with Senior Enchanter Wynne went well enough. He was able to block most of the attacks that she would throw his way; it wasn't until the last arcane bolt that he was caught off guard. That particular spell threw him backwards; crashing hard into the wall.

"I would say that was passable young man." Wynne helped Jowan stand after the shock of hitting the wall began to wear off. "I do expect you to work on it though; the arcane bolt is one of the most common spells that will be sent your way and can be quite powerful. You must learn how to defend yourself."

Jowan nodded as he tried to straighten his messy black mop of hair. "Yes ma'am, I will."

"There's a good lad. I will see you back here at the same time two days from now." Wynne smiled as she began straightening the mess that their practice session had caused in the room.

By the time Jowan made his way to the courtyard Essemere was already seated beneath an old willow tree near the edge of the tower. He stopped for a moment and just watched her as she twirled a small flower around in her fingertips. He couldn't quite figure out what his fascination was with his new friend. There was nothing about her that was exactly out of the ordinary. She didn't come from an exotic background, she didn't have any remarkable special abilities. She got scared just as any other child would in a strange place and had her share of bullies that picked on her, but there was this lovable quality to her that Jowan just could not deny. She had a way of speaking to him that made him feel like no matter how many people were around them it was just him and her.

"Hey Esse, what are you doing?" Jowan sat down in the grass beside his friend.

Essemere held the flower to her nose and drew in a long breath as she closed her eyes. "Just thinking about home. I know I haven't been gone long but I really miss it. We had wild flowers just like these that grew in the fields all around Highever Town; Delicate Whispers is what Mama called them. We would go on family picnics once a month to pick the flowers during the spring and summer months. We would have lunch and pick a whole bunch of flowers and when we got home we would change out the straw in our bedding; Mama would make sure we all had some mixed in to make it smell nice a lot longer than if we didn't have it."

"Your mama sounds like she is really nice." Jowan's voice took on a melancholy tone.

"They all are. I miss them so much." Essemere sighed as she leaned toward Jowan, resting her head on his shoulder. "So what is your family like? I've talked up and down about mine and I don't think you've said anything about yours."

Jowan shrugged as he began playing with a blade of grass. "I don't like to think about them much. I've been at the tower for a little over a year now; since I was five years old."

"Five years old?" Esse raised her head from Jowan's shoulder and looked into his eyes. "Oh Jowan I'm so sorry."

Jowan shook his head. "Don't be; this tower is more a home to me than that place was." He turned his head away from Essemere as the haunting memories of his family came marching to the forefront of his thoughts. "Mother stopped talking to me after I showed signs of magical ability." Jowan lowered his head as tears began to stream down his cheeks. "She wouldn't even look at me. She was always saying that I was a demon child and an abomination in the Maker's sight. She wouldn't even call me by my name; I was always 'That Thing'. She and father would fight constantly because she didn't want 'That Thing' in her house." Essemere placed a reassuring hand on Jowan's arm. "Eventually I guess the fighting got to be too much and he just dumped me at the village chantry and never looked back; and I have been alone ever since."

Essemere gently squeezed Jowan's arm. "You have me; remember...friends for always."

Jowan looked at her and grinned. "I remember, and you will always have me."

Essemere stood up and began to stretch. "I suppose I really should go take these lines to Senior Enchanter Uldred."

"Why do you have to take lines to Uldred?" Jowan asked raising a quizzical eyebrow in her direction.

Essemere huffed. "He said that I was not focusing so I had to write one hundred lines 'I will pay attention.' and I need to get them turned in to him before the end of the day. I just cannot pay attention to him, he is so boring and he looks at me funny."

Jowan grinned. "Do you want some company?"

"Sure!" Essemere nodded and grinned.

The children made their way up the winding stairs of the tower. When they reached the third floor; they both were delighted to see a familiar face at the top of the stairs, standing in front of one of the towers stockrooms.

"Owain!" The kids shouted in chorus as they both ran to greet him. Jowan felt his heart embed itself within his throat when Owain turned to look at them. That absent look...those drab robes...

"No..." Jowan shook his head as Essemere gave him a puzzled look.

"Welcome to the circle stockroom of magical items. My name is Owain; how may I assist you?"


	6. Escaping Fear

Jowan stood for a moment in complete shock. He could not believe that the empty husk of a man that stood before him was the same man who had been teasing and joking with him only days earlier.

“Owain, were you really made tranquil?” Essemere’s sweet voice broke the uncomfortable silence.

Owain looked down at the children showing not even the slightest sign that he so much as recognized either of them. “I voluntarily submitted to the Rite of Tranquility. I was unwilling to undergo the Harrowing. I find this state agreeable.”

“But don’t you think what they did to you was mean?” Jowan interjected.

Owain turned his gaze to the boy and in the same emotionless tone responded; “Tranquility has it’s merits. I see the world with clarity. I remember the days when my mind was filled with inconvenient and seething emotions. Now things are simple.”

“But you are no longer a person!” Essemere stated as if she were trying to convince him to change his mind.

“My body is similar in form to yours, possessing an equal number of limbs, appendages, and internal organs. I perform the same physical functions. My mind is capable of higher thought processes. Am I to be denied personhood because I do not feel as you do?”

“But a person has emotions.” Jowan argued.

“People feel things to different degrees. One individual may be more empathetic than the next. Some are quick to anger, while others are not. Yet you would not single one out and accuse him of not being a person. My capacity to feel differs from yours, but you also differ from all other beings. You are no more a person than others, and I am no less a person than you are.”

“But you have to have emotions!” Essemere felt herself getting almost angry. She felt almost like if she kept arguing that he would eventually snap out of it, tell them that he was joking, laugh, cry.....something. 

“I propose we agree to disagree. Personhood is not measurable. Therefore, we should let this rest.” Owain responded in the same cold and stoic tone.

Jowan wanted to run away, go back to bed and wake up to start the day anew chalking what he was seeing up to being merely a bad dream; but he new better. He decided instead to press on talking to Owain, hoping to grasp exactly what they did to him. “Owain, what was becoming tranquil like? Did it hurt? Did you feel anything?”

“It is difficult to describe. I would perhaps compare it to being plunged into a pool of ice-cold water.”

Just the thought made Jowan’s flesh crawl. “What did they do during the Rite of Tranquility? How did they make you like...this?”

“I was ordered never to speak of it. I cannot go against the Circle’s wishes.”

Essemere sighed as she grabbed hold of Jowan’s arm, pulling him in the direction of the door leading to the circular hallway. “Come on Jowan, let’s go.”

Jowan looked one more time into Owain’s eyes, hoping to see some sort of glimmer there, a piece of the man who used to joke with him, tease him and call him “Jowzer”. All he saw looking back were two empty brown vessels where a soul used to reside. Jowan shook his head as he turned and walked away.

The children made their way in silence down the hall to Senior Enchanter Uldred’s office that he shared with Senior Enchanter Wynne. Much to both Jowan and Essemere’s relief she was the only one there.

“Come in children.” Wynne looked up from the book she reading at her desk when she heard the sound of Essemere gently tapping on the door. “Is something wrong? You both look distressed.”

Essemere held a piece of parchment out in front of her. “I just came to turn these lines in to Senior Enchanter Uldred.”

“Well I would be happy to give them to him but I would hope that writing lines would not cause such sadness in the both of you.” Wynne stood up and walked to a small round table situated near the door. She pulled out two chairs and motioned for the children to sit down and then pulled out the third chair for herself. “Now, what seems to be the problem?”

Jowan down at the table and said quietly. “We just ran into Owain...”

“Ah...” Wynne sighed knowingly. “Quite a shock see him like that isn’t it?”

“Why would he choose to be turned into ... THAT?” Essemere shook her head.

“He is still a person child.” Wynne scolded. “He is merely a different person now.”

Esse’s cheeks turned pink with shame. “But why would he choose to have no emotions? I don’t understand.”

Wynne thought for a moment, trying to find the right words to use to explain the situation to the children. “Well children, what do you fear most in this world?”

“Snakes!” Jowan shouted immediately without even a moment’s thought.

“Okay, so you are afraid of snakes, but there are plenty of people out there that are not; correct?”

Jowan shrugged. “I guess so.”

“But you would do all that you could to avoid them, would you not?”

“Yes...” Jowan raised an eyebrow, trying to determine where Wynne was going with her questions.

Wynne folded her hands and placed them on the table in front of her . “Well for Owain that fear was the Harrowing; he was frightened and so he did what he could to avoid it, and the only way to avoid it was to under go the Rite. And while it may seem irrational to some, it was a true fear to him. Just as your fear of snakes may seem irrational to a few it doesn’t make it any less scary for you. Do you understand?”

The children both nodded. “I think so.”

Wynne smiled. “Good. Now both of you run along and I will see that Senior Enchanter Uldred gets these lines.” She held up the piece of parchment that Essemere had given her; and as the children started out the door she added; “And Essemere, if you happened to say anything to Owain, anything that might have been taken as rude or insensitive, you may consider apologizing.”

Essemere looked at the floor, her cheeks once again turning pink. “Yes Senior Enchanter, I will.” She really did feel bad about the way that she had spoken to him but just kept thinking “I couldn’t have hurt his feelings...he doesn’t have any” in an attempt to make herself feel better. It wasn’t working.

The children made their way back to the stock room; and once there Essemere slowly approached Owain who had his back turned to her as he straightened some bottles on a shelf. Essemere reached up and gently tapped him on the shoulder. “Owain?”

He turned to look at the girl. “Welcome to the Circle’s stockroom of magical items. My name is Owain. How may I assist you?”

Essemere squinted her eyes in confusion. “Is that how you greet everyone?”

“Do you find my greeting disagreeable? I apologize, but I am not inclined to change it. Do you need something?”

Essemere shook her head and decided not to push the conversation any further in fear of offending him further (if in fact she COULD offend someone who has been made tranquil) she decided not to take that chance. “No, no it is fine. I just wanted to apologize for what I said earlier; about you not being a person. It was rude of me, I’m sorry.”

“You are a child and children by nature can be blunt and sometimes rude. No offense was taken and it has been forgotten.” He replied evenly. “Is there anything else you needed?”

Essemere shook her head and replied quietly. “No, nothing else.”

As the children began to walk away, toward the stairs leading to the first floor Jowan looked over his shoulder and with sadness dripping from his words called out, “I’ll miss you Owain.”

Without a word Owain turned toward the shelf and continued sorting the various potion bottles.

As they walked past the older apprentice’s quarters they heard a loud bang and angry grumbles coming from within. The children peeked in the door to find Godwin throwing various books and tomes into Owain’s footlocker.

Essemere quietly cleared her throat, trying to get Godwin’s attention without startling him.

Godwin looked toward the door. “What do you two want? Don’t you have studying to do or lessons to attend to?”

“Are you okay?” Jowan looked at the young man with concern. “I know he was a good friend...”

“I’m fine, now leave.”

“I feel terribly for what happened, I’m so sorry.” Essemere added.

“I’m not.” Godwin snapped as he turned to fully face the children. “That idiot chose to have this done to him, I feel no pity for him; he is nothing but a coward.”

“You don’t mean that.” Jowan argued

Godwin’s cheeks turned dark red as tears drew upon his eyes. “YES I DO, NOW LEAVE.”

Essemere pulled gently at the back of Jowan’s robes. “Just let him cool down, come on...”

As he walked out the door behind Essemere Jowan watched as Godwin sat down heavily upon the bed and lay his face in his hands; and though he could not be sure, he thought he could hear Godwin crying. Jowan sighed and shook his head as he closed the door and walked away.


	7. Jessenia

The days wore on into weeks and the weeks into months after Owain took his Rite of Tranquility. And with every day that went by the children found themselves growing used to the now subdued mage. Even Godwin seemed to have gotten past the initial hurt and anger of his friend taking the “cowards path” to avoiding the Harrowing, but even two months later no one in the tower would dare bring up Owain’s name in front of Godwin, and he noticeably did all that he could to avoid coming in contact with Owain. At best life could be considered uneventful; winter became harsher and colder but soon melted away into spring. The wintry blossoms of Delicate Whispers were soon replaced with colorful Tulips. 

With the change of seasons, the children enjoyed the mild sunny weather and spent most of their free time in the courtyard, sitting beneath the large Willow trees, talking or reading or merely just enjoying each other’s company; and it was on one of these pleasant afternoons that a new child was brought to the tower.

“Should we go ahead inside?” Jowan asked Essemere as he looked up from the book he was reading.

Essemere looked up from her own book and yawned. “Oh I suppose. Supper will be soon and I want to get there early. If we get stuck at that corner table near the templars again I think I will go crazy. I don’t know why they have to stare at us even when we are eating, as if my carrots are going to jump off of the plate and possess me.”

Jowan chuckled as he stood up from the grass and reached out to help Essemere to her feet. The children gathered their things and made their way into the tower. Upon entering the hallway they began hearing loud screams coming from inside of the apprentice quarters. They slipped in the door and quickly ducked unnoticed into the changing area; peeking at the commotion from around the corner.

“Déjame ir cerdo!” {Put me down pig!} The girl screamed as she thrashed within the arms of one of the templars.

Essemere looked at Jowan. “Antivan!”

Jowan raised a curious eyebrow in Esse’s direction.

“She is Antivan!” Essemere exclaimed in a sort of whispered shout. “There was an elven man that worked as an assistant in my father’s smithy; his daughter Aina was my best friend and they were from Antiva. Aina taught me how to speak Antivan and I taught her how to speak Ferelden.

“Well, what did she just say?” Jowan asked with excited curiosity.

Esse bit her lower lip as she thought for a moment. “He he he, she just told him to put her down, and then she called him a pig!”

Jowan did the best he could to hide the chuckle that escaped his throat, listening carefully to the commotion as it continued.

“If you would just calm down we would let you go!” The templar holding her struggled against the girl’s kicks as she thrashed hard against his armor.

Another templar by the name of Matthias stood by the wall, rubbing his shoulder as if he had just done a tremendous amount of work. “She’s been like this ever since we found her in the marketplace of Denerim; she has fought everyone the whole way here and none of us know how to speak Antivan so it has been next to impossible to calm her.”

At that point another templar entered the room, only this one was dripping wet. “And bleedin’ strong too! I set her down for only a moment when we got off of the boat at the dock and in the blink of an eye the little terror kicked me in the knee and knocked me into the water.”

“Déjame que tonto ignorante, mi padre me saldrá y cuando lo hace te vas a arrepentir alguna vez me ha tocado!” {Put me down you ignorant fool, my father will come for me and when he does you will be sorry you ever touched me!} The girl shrieked as she continued thrashing against the templar’s grasp.

He looked up “There has to be someone in this damn tower that speaks Antivan!”

Slowly and quietly Essemere tiptoed from around the corner. Jowan tried to grab her but he was too late.

“Ser? I know Antivan...” She said timidly.

Matthias pushed himself from the wall and started in Essemere’s direction. “Young lady, you should not be in here...”

“Wait!” The templar holding the young girl shouted so loud it made even Matthias jump. “If she knows Antivan don’t you think she could possibly...oh I don’t know....calm her down?”

Matthias gave Essemere a scrutinizing look. “You think you could translate?”

“I’m sure of it!”

The templar grabbed Esse by the hand and led her in the direction of the thrashing girl. As soon as she caught sight of Essemere she began to calm down, if only slightly.

Essemere stepped closer to the girl and placed her hand on her shoulder. “Por favor, cálmate. No te hará daño.” {Please calm down. They will not hurt you.}

Upon hearing her native tongue the girl completely relaxed but the terror still remained fixed in her eyes.

Essemere continued. “Mi nombre es Essemere, lo que es tuyo?” {My name is Essemere, what is yours?}

The girl looked at Esse with tear filled eyes. “Mi nombre es Jessenia Iannisi. ¿Por qué estoy aquí? ¿Quiénes son estas personas? ¿Dónde están mis padres?” {My name is Jessenia Iannisi. Why am I here? Who are these people? Where are my parents?}

“Well girl, what is she saying?” Matthias stood over her with his arms crossed, tapping his foot impatiently.

“She says that her name is Jessenia Iannisi and she wants to know who you are, why she was brought here and where her parents are.”

“Tell her that she has been brought here by order of the chantry due to the fact that she has shown magical ability. We are the templars assigned to guard her; she is in no danger. We do not know the whereabouts of her parents.” Matthias replied coldly.

“Usted está aquí porque tiene habilidades mágicas y Chantry tiene miedo que a su vez, la gente al azar en sapos. Estos babuinos se han enviado para asegurarse de que usted no hace eso.”  
{You are here because you have magical abilities and the Chantry is afraid you will turn random people into toads. These baboons have been sent to make sure that you don't do that.}

Jessenia let a giggle slip from her mouth and the templar holding her loosened his grip some. Her look then once again became serious. “Mi mamá? Mi papá?”

“Lo siento, pero no saben” {I’m sorry but they don’t know}

The two young girls looked at each other and smiled slightly, a bond of trust forming between them. Sensing the girl begining to calm the templar set her gently down upon the floor. “Essemere, can you talk to her some more while we get Senior Enchanter Wynne?”

Essemere gave the templar a sweet smile as she nodded. “Sure, I would be happy to.”

“If you need anything just let us know.

Once the templars were safely out of the room Essemere motioned at Jowan to join she and Jessenia on the other side of the room. Jowan approached the girls and smiled timidly as he gave a shy wave.

“Jessenia, esto es Jowan. Él ha sido mi mejor amigo desde que fue traído aquí.”

Jowan’s eyes scrunched in confusion. “What did you just say about me? I heard my name!”

Esse giggled. “I was introducing you silly. Jowan, this is Jessenia.”

Jowan looked at the girl and in a slow, deliberate, voice said, “HI IT IS NICE TO MEET YOU!”

Essemere once again giggled only this time it was at the almost terrified look that fell across Jessenia’s face. “Jowan! She’s foreign, she isn’t deaf!” 

Jowan quickly clasped his hand over his mouth. “Sorry!”

Essemere grinned as she looked at the bewildered girl sitting beside her. “Te lo prometo, que realmente es un gran tipo. Sólo un poco tonto a veces” {Sorry, he really is a great guy. Just a bit silly sometimes.}

Jessenia looked up to see Jowan still waving; a big goofy smile stretched across his face causing her to giggle.

“So, why are you in Ferelden?” Essemere asked sweetly.

“Mi padre es comerciante. Vende armadura de cuero que se produce en la ciudad de Antiva al pueblo de Denerim. A pesar de que estaban preparando la tienda de mi madre, le cortan la mano y lo sanó. Yo sólo estaba tratando de ayudarla, pero pronto fue rodeado por todos estos guardias gritando y me tiraba de mí de mi familia.” The girl burried her face in her hands as she started to cry. “Esa fue la última vez que los vi.

Essemere rubbed the girl’s back as she wept, trying to provide her some of the comfort that Jowan provided her in her first nights in the tower. She looked at Jowan and whispered. “She says that her father was a merchant selling leather armor from Antiva City to people in Denerim. Her mama got hurt and she cast a heal spell and the templars took her. She said she hasn’t seen her parents since they pulled her away.”

Jessenia looked at Essemere, her hazel eyes pleading. “No quiero estar aquí. Yo quiero ir a casa.” {I don’t want to be here. I want to go home.}

Not knowing what to say Essemere was glad to hear the footsteps of Senior Enchater Wynne as they came through the door of the apprentice quarters. She approached the frightened girl and gave her one of her signature warm friendly smiles. “This must be our new apprentice I have heard so much about. Essemere, would you mind translating for me?”

“Not at all.” Essemere replied sweetly.

“Hello Jessenia, my name is Senior Enchanter Wynne. You have been brought to the tower so you can be trained in the proper ways to use the magical abilities that the Maker has bestowed upon you. There is no reason to be frightened, you are safe and you will be taken care of.”

Essemere turned to Jessenia and translated what Wynne said. Jessenia nodded showing that she understood but quickly turned her gaze to Wynne and falling upon her knees began to plead. 

“Por favor, señora, te estoy pidiendo, déjame ir a casa! Te prometo, te juro que nunca hacer magia otra vez si usted acaba de dejarme volver a Antiva. Te estoy pidiendo.” The girl then fell upon the floor at the older mage’s feet and began to weep heavily.

Wynne pulled her from the floor surprisingly effortlessly and sat the girl beside her on the bed. She lovingly wrapped her arms around her; whispering a light “shhhh” in her ear as she gently rocked her back and forth. Essemere began to translate but Wynne stopped her; for though she did not speak Antivan, the look in Jessenia’s eyes was a look that Wynne had seen many times before. 

Once she completely calmed herself Jessenia began to realize just how tired she was. She had barely slept since being ripped from her parents a little over a week ago and the little bit of sleep that she did obtain was haunted by nightmares of that day’s events. She felt sick with regret for ever even casting that spell and longed for the reassuring words of her mother and the loving embraces in the strong arms of her father. With every rock Jessenia’s eyes grew heavy until she finally succumbed to sleep.

Once she was sure that the child was asleep Wynne gently laid her back upon the bed and covered her with a large blue blanket that was folded near the footboard. She then turned to look at Essemere and Jowan.

“Jessenia is going to need some friends in the months to come. She has been torn from all that she knows and taken to a strange place in a foreign land.”

“We will take care of her Senior Enchanter, I promise.” Essemere smiled sweetly at Wynne.

“I know you will.” Wynne tousled the girl’s hair and squeezed Jowan’s shoulder as she walked out the door.


End file.
